1975-1982 - That good ol' time
In a somehow way this header is sounding a bit strange for those who read it, but I actually see those very young years of my life as very nice years, maybe they are the most nicest years until now! Why? I don't know, but it had something goods within, life in the 70s .....
In a somehow way those years did have something within them, 'cause I was abled to be just a kid, allthough I bumped against rather much things, also seeing this from out of a liturally point sometimes! But further on? I did have a past with a rather rich fantasy on the first hand, but was it so rich of fantasy on the other hand? At the other hand it wasn't that full of fantasy anyway, but I was abled to learn from out of the nature and I still can remember certain things!
From my first years of my life until now par example, I felt myself some differently than others, allthough I didn't want that in a definitively way like that, 'cause I'm this type of person which likes equal teatment and teatment in an equal worthy way, but still you know ...
From the moment that I was a very young kid I did have the feeling I was missing something, I did have the feeling that there were influences from a somehow non-Earth part and still I do have this feeling, allthough I can live with it in a better way by now ;-) Quite many things were rather strange to me, allthough quite many things which weren't that strange to others, they were for me the most normal things of the world! Many persons pointed their finger to the fact that I am visually impaired, but I never shared this point of view with them, and I never will share this point of view, 'cause this is only finding another way out to give a name to somethings unknown to post this in another little squarebox!
But, am I that special? What's that special about me? In my opinion, things were just that very normal 'cause every individual person is special, but ... How? What? And why further on? Well, just click on the links beneath tocome through the liks ...
A boundless eye on the visible and the unvisible
Positivity
in tiny silver coins
I've been involved with spirituality from a quite young age, allthough I actually don't come out of a spiritual developed family ... My grandmom (mother from mother's side) did always win prizes with loteries, like mo mother does have this gift too and my granddad (father from father's side) bumped himself into spirituality when he was in his 20s age and he does have some experiences with OBEs, but on later age he blocked himself by unswearing himself for this 'cause it made him frightened and he doesn't like to talk about spirituality and paranormal things, now, he's a real Roman Catholic Christian person and well, he's happy with it .....
In a somehow way, my mother puts herself open for spirituality, but in another way she actually doesn't, unconsiously she searches for spirituality, but this doesn't really come out that consiously, except that she's really crazy on Chinese art, Chinese furniture and actually everything which has to do with the Chinese culture!
My dad doesn't believe in nothing after death and he's rather sceptic and he calles everyone who's working with spirituality or the paranormal future forcasters, but he was watching the stars in a very sneakful way after Trixie, my parents' doggy, passed away on December 27 2004 ...
My brother and I are new age kids, but my brother's point of vision is that spirituality and the paranormal is a bit going to high into the sky and actually he doesn't know how to deal with it, allthough he happily is worthy to me and he gives me space!
I'm born in the very hot Spring of 1975 and 2 months after I was born they found out that I had (and still have) a visual impaireness. You can read the one and another beneath the link A little bit about myself ... Than it happens that you'll get in contact with several care departments, doctors, professors, (ortho) pedagogists, psychologists, social work werk, ambulant workers who are specialized into guiding parents with visually impaired babies and small kids and more like this sort of care asociations ... They estimated my vision on 3 per cent or so, but they didn't know that for sure ... Like they didn't know if my vision would be better or it would be stable or it would be worser ...
The only things I can remember from this time in a way like if it was on yesturday is that I was a small, rather quiet (but sometimes also busy doing ;-) ) and in a free way thinking girl, and also that I was crazy on water though ... Going for a bath I liked that really much, like I loved Jean Michel Jarre's Oxygen, the song which I can remember this one from out of it's time when it was a hit! Oftenly I was hanging around on the sofa near the wooden cupboard wherein a realy old black&white TV was standing and an old, silver colored stereo tower system! In those early times the radio always was on at my parents' home and very often Oxygen passed by though (not that crazy, in that time it was a great hit!) LOL! Actually I felt in love from that time with synthesizer and digital music, gheeh! Watching television wasn't that interesting for me at that time, except the breaks, 'cause there Loeki de Leeuw (which is a very famous Dutch lion character made from clay, made in a very funny comical way) came between all those commercials and I really liked that one when I was a kid! Such a stupid and innocent little lion which did some stupid things sometimes but which isn't that evil from out of it's heart ;-)
My mother did have a lot of plants in our home and we did have real 70s looking furniture, inclusive red wooden round livingroom table and a real old aged black/beige wall cupboard! The doors were green, like the walss were in the kitchen and in a very early time we did have beige carpet on the floor and a really beautiful nature stone wall around the chimney pipe of the heater, 2 dark brown sofas made of this typical 70s textile where you did have many clothes from too like pants, blouses and so on, we did have this typical 70s wallpaper on the walls which was had a very busy and somehow psychedelic print and my father made the wooden coffee table by himself, a really big and ponderous, but that table did have something within, gheeh! And we did have an aquarium, yeah! With exotic fishes, and that was something you could get me crazy on that, very often I was hanging with my nose against the aquarium's glass, really cool those exotic fishes in several colors! Well that were times though ...
When I was the age of 3, 4, I saw this silver chromatic 70s full of holes which we have too, changing in a slowly way into a totally different image, as if it was in a quite dark space, which looked like a sky full of stars. In this period of time, for me this image was totally unexplainable, allthough I just liked that thing to play with, especially if it was on, which irritated my mother, but in a further way I never paid any attention on it ...
Allthough I never have known my granddad of my mother's side IRL, I was very interested into him being a young kid ... He passed away when he was 46 and my mother was 13 when he died ... But those stories about granddad were marvellous though and he was such a bird freak like I am actually from a very young age, gheeh!
When I was 3 years old I already knew something, regular science didn't know that yet and that was that my left eye vision would be better and my right eye vision would be worser, but well ... It was somehow my first forecast, something I impossibly couldn't know being a 3 year old in that period of time, not talking about scientists like professors and doctors could say something about this, and those persons did had their studies and are experts you can say ... But, nobody could say any senseful word about any prognoses ... But I already just knew, being a kid, that my left eye would be better by steps and that my right eye would be worser by steps and so it happened from than till now! When I was 3 I had a 5 per cent's vision with both eyes or something like that ... In a one or another way I already knew by than that it would go like that, only I couldn't give an answer on it if you should ask me the question how I knew it in that period of time ... It was a feeling, and suddenly I knew it ... For me it was really normal that I knew it .....
Something within myself told me that I did had to train my eyes from that moment on and it looked likes something within myself told me too that I had to setup a rather plan to manage this ;-) I did have rather worse nystagmus (uncontroled eye movements) and I invented several ways to get that under control ... There was nobody who put me on this in a therapeutic base or so, 'cause well ... "She can't see it though and that has to grow better on it's own way." but it was something like if that task was send from above, like as if I already did get guidence or accompaniment, allthough I didn't know something about that on my 3rd year of age ;-)
A boundless eye on the visible and the unvisible
Being a 4, 5, 6 year old kid I was a vivit kid which had an eye on all details and on many places I already did find my way without making any mistakes! I put everything in my memory what I saw when I was on my way and like this, I found my way through.Besides this, I somehow was a bit thoughtful, I did have a rich fantasy but I could chat in a busy way, but in the school breaks I nearly always was playing on my own ... When I was on the kindergarten, I once came with on all my 10 fingers a small mushroom like "Look at this I do have finger hats (you know this tools you can put around your fingers when you are sweing)!" and I came into the building only the kindergarten guides didn't think that was so funny, gheeh! I can remember this still very well LOL!
On Tomteboe, the medical children's daycare, I actually always played on my own ... Par example with very tiny gravel stones ... Than I went on searching for very tiny gravel stone which I devided to 2 groups ... Yellowish and whitish (that were the good ones) stones and black, brown and grey stones (which were the bad ones) and the good ones off course had to battle the bad ones ... And like that, I went on playing "bacteria war" (which I called this like that in that time), 'cause my granddad's medical encyclopedia was a quite interesting book too, especially the pictures within and I knew rather earlier how the anatomy of a human body was looking like than that I could watch the time, or I could count or how to deal with money ;-) I was just like a crow too 'cause everything which was glittery or blinky and shiny that was interesting for me, if it were small transparant stones, ear rings or silver or gold, small or big, that didn't matter to me gheeh!
I was very interested in nature (and I still am) and the results of that wasn't only the fact that I used once mushrooms as finger hats when I was a 3 year old kid, but als that I was searching for larves and insects! I did have an eye on details and something within myself told me that I had to keep on training my quite wiggling eyes, I completely gave my visual impaireness a place in my childhood! I won't say I still don't feel sorrow sometimes for the fact that I never ever will be able to ride on a mopet or drive a car, even not talking about on just jumping on a bike and go on biking own, 'cause I still do feel sorrow sometimes, but I already knew just as a 5, 6 year old kid what I could see or what not ... Many of the visually impaired people do start this process on a much later age!
Further on, I already was interested into things like Heaven, God and such since a very young age ... When I was 6 and my great grandmother passed away at the age of 96, I asked myself, however inside myself, where great grandmother, or "Li' Grandmom", like we used to call her, would go to ... To God and to Jesus in Heaven ... But, how it looked like overthere then? And, was Jesus not as important and as special as we also are? Did there exist separate Heavens for each of us ... Like a doggy Heaven, a canary Heaven, a fishy Heaven?
I also was interested into things like technological progress (like computers) and in a cenrtainly way also into planets, stars and so on, but further on than that I was open minded about all this, I didn't go .....
I only didn't like it that much people see me as special, I went to a normal kindergarten and I sometimes was in a somehow way a funny rebellian LOL!
But the first school for very young kids (kids age 4, 5, sometimes 6 years old) became Tomteboe, a medical children's daycare ... So when I was 4 I went to Tomteboe and my musical feeling for rythm came into a fasts development and besides this, I went on busy with drawing and very soon I already drew quite detailed drawings! I loved to draw (and I still do) and when I was a 5 year old kid I already could draw like an 8 year old kid!When I was around 5 years old I already did have a rather good insight on words and I even could write down simple words, even my own name! My drawings still became better and allthough I mainly drew little puppets/humans, I went on busy with drawing birds and this arised in a very beautiful way! First I only could draw adult birds in foetus position, but slowly on those bird drawings of the present were "born", this was so somehow weird that I can't let it go for you to tell this, 'cause in a certainly way it actually has everything to do with my unconsious spiritual growth, because it actually is quite weird in a somehow way, 'cause if you know the symbolic value, than you can say that you can see those bird drawings as old souls in a very beginning stadium of development ...
Once when I was 5, I did get a metalophone in my hands, 'cause my teachers thought my feeling of rythm was that quite well! One of those teachers sang me a song and after she sang it 3 times I did play this on that metalophone too! This on it's own was very weird in a surprising way, but the rest of it I'll keep that for the Art link ;-) Well now I was crazy on Jean Michel Jarre since I was a baby and I can remember his hits from out of THAT time when they were a hit and also seeing it from out of that point of view, and this on it's own is very unique 'cause normally memories do go back until your 3rd year, well mine do go back until I was 1.5 years old, but when my musical development went in a further way, I started to play those songs too, gheeh!
Positivity in tiny silver coins
Before I already went to Grave (where the blinds institution is), I already developed a sort of tool to put positivity in tiny silver coins by using warmth, to give those to persons who didn't feel themselves that well, either in a physical way, or in emotional way, and hey, it did work out well! This was when I was 6-7 years old ... And I only put positivity in silver colored coins and this ones I gave to persons who were sad or ill and this positivity worked out that great that those persons felt themselves much better after 2-3 hours! I called this as being a kid "putting good and warm energy in coins because they can radiate those energy very well and the silver ones can do that better then the ones which are differently colored" ...
Did I know that I was VERY SURE dealing with spiritual abilities !!!!! Being a child I also was very empathic with everything and everyone, 'cause I unconsiously was very sensitive for atmospheres, and still I did have an eye on details of everything which was surrounding me, 'cause this only was good for my vision and so on I kept on developing those things!
But if I have to describe myself at least, I will describe myself in a more way as that I was a thoughtful rebellian who could be a funny and jokeful rebellian too and I bumped my butt against everything 'cause I wanted to try everything on my own and until this time, my feeling about my childhood was good and careless ... When I became 6 years old, for me the future where I should go was clear, Grave ...